One of my former bosses had a peculiar but endearing habit. I’d be working away at my computer one so-so afternoon, marooned in my depressing office-for-one at the very end of an interminably long corridor.
Suddenly I’d hear a rapid foot shuffle and a head would appear round the doorway:
“Are you having FUN?” the head would enquire with a slightly manic, but highly infectious grin.
Barely waiting for an answer, he would vanish as quickly as he had appeared.
I was always cheered by these odd interruptions, as in truth I was NOT having fun. I was on an internal secondment in a role where frankly I was a little out of my depth. Plus as a natural extrovert I was dying a death of a thousand cuts stuck by myself in a dusty hole far away from human company (the charity I worked for operated out of a row of Victorian terraced buildings…tiny rooms opening randomly off a maze of interlocking corridors).
Now looking back I wonder how - and more importantly WHY - I stuck it out for so long. I guess because
- I blamed myself for the job not working out. if I could do it better, be smarter, work harder, I would be happy.
- I was afraid that people (chiefly the senior management team I reported to but also my peers, not to mention myself), would think I was a failure if I asked to go back to my old job.
- Although I’d been happier in my permanent role, I knew it wasn’t what I ultimately wanted to do either, and I didn’t know exactly what I DID want instead…
I wish now that I’d had the gumption to draw a line under the whole experience earlier on, instead of clinging on and watching my confidence shrink day by day - to the point where I was rushing to the toilet after meetings to hide my panic attacks.
Perhaps some of you reading this are having a bad time of things work-wise at the moment. Perhaps it’s gone on so long you’ve sort of got used to it…lowered your expectations.
Let’s remind ourselves. Work isn’t supposed to be something we endure. It isn’t supposed to be something that makes us feel bad about ourselves.
Ask yourself: are you having FUN?
And if you’re not, don’t wait any longer.
Identify what needs to change and DO NOT give yourself a hard time for desiring these changes.
“When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don’t blame the lettuce. You look for reasons it is not doing well. It may need fertilizer, or more water, or less sun. You never blame the lettuce.” – Thich Nhat Hahn
If there’s any chance of moving to a better environment within your current organisation, speak to your boss/other supportive person in a position of influence.
If you think a bigger move is needed, seek out that more fertile environment elsewhere.
Stand up for your inner lettuce! And good luck with your transplant….
